some lines from a muse write

These are some lines from one of the muse writes we did in class on oct. 16 I beleive. I want to put some of this in my porfolio so I need all the help I can get.



There will be fights
Someone will get hurt
There wont be anyone
Noone will stay and laugh
People wont wait
The feilds will not have anything left in them
Noone will remember that kid
The adults wont play like kids
There wont be a light
No sounds of anything
Anything and everything there was will be nothing
There always was nothing
Try to hold on to one image
That image is the light
Thats the only hope
Where did it all go?
How long will it be gone for?

Presentations

For the oral presentation i chose to use Samuel Coleridge and Anne Sexton. I came to this decision through brief and random research and found their lives to be interesting. Being a psychology major I found interest in their mental struggles in life and thought it would be interesting to see how their writing was influenced. Through reading their poetry so far, Coleridge is giving me some difficulty, especially relative to Sexton's work. Coleridge who lived in 1800 uses a very different/older style of English that makes it difficult to pick up on certain aspects of his work. In most cases ive had to re-read each piece multiple times to only grasp a basic understanding. Ive started to pick up on his style and become familiar but the diction will continue to be an obstacle. On the other hand, Anne Sext0n's work is relatively easy to understand. So far a lot of her stuff is pretty dark so her depression is evident.

Music as inspiration

In my down time I always listen to music, but more recently I have been writing poetry and using some songs as inspiration. I get a completely different outcome when I use a photo as inspiration, because music tends to make me write more in rhythm and over-use the effect of rhyme. So far I have only listened to Rap during my Muse work, but soon enough ill branch out to other genres. Some of my favorite artists to listen to and write are Atmosphere, J. Cole, Wale, etc. And for other genres I plan to use Jimmy Hendrix, maybe John Mayer, Elvis Costello, and even some country.

I am very interested in hearing your thoughts about music as inspiration and what artists/songs you have used or suggest.

Revising

I've been revising one of the poems I used for workshop and have been trying to use the feedback I got from both professor McCoy and my peers. After my first draft most of the feedback I received was to describe what my thoughts were and explain more where my head was at during this particular scene on the beach. I've added what I feel like is a lot, but feel as though it is taking away from the scene I had created in my first draft. Let me know what you think- especially those of you who remember the first draft.

Thanks! - Taylor

Stars freckled the sky, light in the black abyss

I’ll figure it out

Deep blue ,black, wondrously they stare

Water rises, creeping

Sneaking into my clenched toes

the way you seem to bring me back

Skating above the creases

Time irrelevant, care-free

how we used to be

Mind spinning

Breakup, make up

Break up, make up

Deteriorating process

Cycling like the wave

Mesmerizing

Once mesmerized by our love

Was it even love?

Waves predictable unlike my thoughts

Will it work?

Unpredictability of love

Questions rise and fall with tide

Body pressed into chilled sand, no longer the comfort of you

Dreaming in the wrong time

Too young for the fairytale you want

Thoughts circle, I want you- uncomplicated

Moons balance on the horizon

Their reflections rippling with illumination

Colors swirl like gasoline

Toxic, my thoughts circle

Workshop and Criticism

I've been enjoyed CRW 205 much more since we started workshop. Running to the library on a Monday night in the rain to print poems at Penfield's "quick" print station isn't always what I want to do, but sitting down with all of the next day's poems is worthwhile more often than not. I usually read the poems over and time or two underlining and circling my favorite parts and slip the poems into my bag until the next day. But, when we actually begin workshop in class, I think it is fascinating to listen to my fellow poets bring their work to life. It is moving to hear someone passionately speak about heartbreak or describe a majestic beach scene. Often times poetry brings out the hurt and makes you connect with someone on a personal level. For example, Tiraya's poem last week about the "Bedroom Bully" gave me chills like never before. I guess what I'm trying to say is... We've all grown as writers and some of you guys are damn good! I love hearing what our Muses spill out on paper.

The downside to workshop (at least for me) is criticism. I really have a hard time hearing that my work is anything less than sufficient. Working hard on a piece simply to be told it needs to be adjusted and more detailed can get defeating... but accepting and applying criticism will be a part of all of our future careers. In a way, I enjoy being thrown into situations I am uncomfortable with because in the end, I grow as a writer and a person.

Have you guys been enjoying workshop? How do you feel about criticism?

Good luck finishing up poet projects and portfolios everyone!

Resolutions

January 1st I promise myself I would perform at an open mic night sometime before this year was over. Well, it's almost December and I haven't done that yet. What I would love to do is sing some original work at an open mic night, but I would be completely stoked to read poetry at an open mic night.

I write tons of lyrics and I sing all the time... when I'm alone in the car or at home. I've been doing theatre since I was four years old. I took voice lessons for 4 years. My mom is a music teacher. My dad loved singing. A lot in my life has revolved around music... still, somehow I had a really hard time singing in front of people alone.

This Thanksgiving break, my friend Tony forced me into playing piano and singing for him. I was terrified and couldn't start. I just kept playing the same eight notes over and over again until he pushed me hard enough to just start singing. I did, and I survived! It wasn't my best- my voice was shaky, my high notes were cracking, but I did it. Tony forced me into doing it again but to sing my heart out. So I did.

You might be wondering what this has to do with poetry. Well, to me, it has a lot to do with poetry. Anyone can sing a song (whether it's good or bad, they can still sing it), but for someone to knock down their big brick walls that guarded them, and to really belt out a song, good or bad, takes a lot of courage. It also takes a lot of self-honesty and awareness. You have the ability in yourself to be brave, and you have to be honest with yourself and aware that you can do it. In poetry, the same thing is true. It's easy to write "Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and whoop-dee-doo". It's not so easy to write something honest and beautiful and painful and visceral, but it can be made easy if you're brave enough to knock down those big brick walls and let it happen. You have it in you. Be courageous enough to knock down that wall. Be aware enough to see it, hear it and feel in it. Be honest enough to believe in it.

I want to thank everyone this semester for giving me the chance to read my poems in such a safe environment. I feel like I've received some feedback that I can handle. I feel like by reading my poems I don't have to hide anything anymore. I can be really proud of what I've found within myself and around myself. Thank you all so much.

As for the future, I plan to still perform at an open mic night this year in some way, shape or form. As for you, please do me a favor:

Next time you're in your car and your favorite song comes on the radio (you know that one bone-chilling song you love?), sing.

And when you stop at a red light and someone pulls up next to you and sees you singing, DO NOT stop singing. You might be scared because you think they'll assume you're nuts. Do me a favor. Sing louder.

-Becca Wemesfelder

Revision and Portfolio

Going through revision, I have tried to choose poems that I think could benefit from revision. I specifically choose ones that have potential, but ones I have not been able to figure out how to write them just right yet. In this way I can be open to criticism and really be open to improve the poems.

The only bad part about this, is that I'm not entirely sure which poems to pick for my portfolio in addition to these ones. For the other two poems, I'm unsure what to do. On the one hand, there are still poems that I'm unsure about, and could stand some revision. The down side to choosing these: I have no audience to give me solid critiques or guidance. Then there are poems that I'm very happy with, but because they already seem to be pretty near finished, I hesitate to use them in my portfolio because any changes would be pretty minor.

Do any of you guys have suggestions? Should I go for mediocre poems and experiment with making them better, or go with poems I'm more confident with, risking ruining the finished feel with further revisions?

What are you guys thinking for your own portfolios?

The Portrait

My bottom is getting numb,

Few hours passed by, with each brush stroke

Becoming more anxious, but less impatient

My legacy is in the hands of this artist

Whose name I do not know

More than a stranger, less than an acquaintance

“Who knew legacies take this long to create?”

Stroke after Stroke

Impatience drawing near

Same breeze that gives me comfort

Has the artist shivering

My hand has been dead for a few hours

Is he capturing the sweat beads forming on my fore head?

If he does, he’s spectacular, but I pray he’s mediocre

Still the legacy must be formed

They must remember me for my poise

My painted image will bring back memories

Good ones remain and bad ones must flee

Impatience is here,

“Who knew legacies take this long to create”?

Critiquing

These past few weeks, our peers in our classes have been critiquing our work and telling us the positive and negative aspects of our poetry. I honestly like this aspect of our poetry workshop. It helps build us up as writers. I know many of my poetry is not "perfect" therefore it benefits me to hear what I can work on and how to make my writing better. A lot of my revisions have been made because of my peers. I know my strengths and weaknesses and how to make a good poem, better.

Cutting the Fat

I have a million different muse writes that 5 pages long each and I really have to cut the fat but I find it really hard to get rid of some of the stuff that I came up with. I could take just two lines from my muse work and make it another page of poem. I think my biggest problem is sometimes finding the unique language and the ramble that may sound cool but says absolutely nothing.

I really want to practice being able to talk about one simple moment or a simple event and make in something beautiful instead of trying to fit an entire novel into a 10 page poem which is what a lot of my muse work seems to be.

Pablo Neruda

I am taking another English class and today we read some poems written by Pablo Neruda. I fell in love with his work. His poems are easy to understand and actually pretty funny. He wrote an " ode to my socks" all about a pair of socks. I really recommend if anyone is looking to read some poems for fun, his are defiantly interesting. My favorite is called " Tonight I Can Write". This poem is about a guy who does not have his girlfriend anymore. He is basically saying " I lost her and that's all". He worries about her being with another man. He says this is the last poem he is going to write about her. I found it funny that he kept going back and forth saying he loves her, but does not love her. I really liked it.

Workshop

So far workshop is going well. One aspect that I like about it is that we are actually receiving feedback and constructive criticism. All of the comments I've received, I've tried my best to apply them to the second poem I am working on for Round 2 of workshop. I think it's also helpful to hear the poems of other students because I get to see how distinctive or similiar other students are to me when it comes to writing poetry. I've picked up on the fact that I can trim fat from some of my lines to abstain from my poems sounding very "prose." One thing I've noticed is that many poems read are very dreary concerning topics like death and lost love. I don't know if students are doing this because they want their poems to be more complex but hearing a light poem from here to there would lighten up the mood a bit. I'm getting more immune to reading my work out loud because of workshop. Before workshop, I would be timid and not really want to read what I have because I thought it wasn't 'up to par" but I generally got back positive feedback and great corrections. One thing that can possible be done differently is have the speaker first explain what their stake in the poem is. I've noticed that this was a recurring issue with many poems during workshop. The other students and even the professor was unsure of where the speaker was going with his/her poem. If the student reads his/her poem then says what it is about then I think the feedback would be better just based off of that. Other than that, I think workshop is going well.

After workshop today I was a little confused on the reactions and criticisms I had gotten about my poem [16]. I am going to post it so you know which one i'm talking about...

[16]

Grandma says you can’t buy loyalty;

But I beg to differ.

I bought it three years ago.

Wrapped in a scarlet ribbon,

Sewn into one solitary-trusting heart,

She devoted herself from the start.

Playful, loving and hyper,

Demanding of attention.

She always makes me beam;

Like when the morning rays hit your face

After a spine tingling dream.

I bought happiness in a small package.

Along with that, came loyalty.

Night or Day, Tsunami or Drought

She will never vacate me.

If you don’t believe these things are for sale

Venture to 25 Park Lane.

There you will find a golden-eyed puppy,

Loving, loyal and kind,

That relishes the days when I come home

And endlessly wags her tale.

When I read back all the criticisms everyone had given me I realized that half the people said to keep the poem the way it was because they liked the happy feel to it and liked that it was light whereas most poems are not and usually about something sad, angry, etc. These people said not to add anything "deep" to the poem because it will add an adverse affect. The other half said to somehow put some tragedy or tension into the poem. So basically I don't know if I should play around with the poem, tighten it up, etc but not add any other plot to it, or if i should use what I wrote in this poem and make it into a comparison about someone who is not loyal and why they are not and compare that to my dog, who clearly is loyal and then talk about why she is? I'm kind of stuck. I said in class that when I wrote this poem I wanted to change it up and not about something depressing or angry for once which is why I wrote this and I also don't want to make a poem about my dog depressing!!! So help and opinions on how I should alter this poem would be great.

Thanks!

Love for detail

I have always written mostly depressing poems because I find them easier to write. However, through my muse, I am able to spark new and exciting ideas from my imagination... instead of just from life experience. I love the fact that anything is possible with poetry. When we were introduced to lies and secrets in class, it just added to the endless creations available to me through writing. I particularly love Emily Dickinson and her use of these inclinations. I have always enjoyed morose and macabre detail in poetry, and her work continually gives me new ideas for my own. I have also found that during our “cutting the fat” sessions, I am given the opportunity to expand my ideas. By cutting the fat, I can add more intricate detailing. I do find it hard to use both intricate detail and rhyming, but when they are combined, I find the best poems can be created.

Free Write Hell

After workshop this past Thursday I realized I had exactly one poem written. Other then that I have a million muse writes each of which I have done little with. I cant seem to translate them from free writing messiness into a semi-organized poem. Even translating some of it into prose hasnt assisted me. I have resorted to free writing from my free writes which has added to my pile of raw material and limbo revision pile but not my written poetry pile. So, alas, here is the one stanza of revision I have been working on; because that is all I have;

The space is black above and around me
Black like nothing and everything
Heavy like there could be someone hiding in the depths
Or empty with me the sole occupant.
Silent enough that my thoughts seem loud
Large to where I am reduced to very little.

What a Fine Art Poetry is!

This class has opened my mind causing me to look deeper into myself to pull out thoughts from the treasure of experiences and wisdom I have accumulated over the last 22 years. I learned that through poetry I could take these thoughts and put them together in very unique and complex ways. I look at poetry as if I am painting, and every event in life and all experiences and knowledge is merely a color on the palette. With poetry, as in any other form of art, creativity is only limited to your imagination, which has not a limit. The muse can take you place where you did not know existed, painting magnificent works of art, giving thoughts a heartbeat on the paper giving the reader a thought to digest.

The poems I have read and the poems I wrote, in many ways, were very similar to my poems. Although the writers have experience what they wrote about differently I can see the relationship between my poems and the poems I read because I have experience many of the feelings, emotions these writer experience in the poems they wrote.

Here is a muse poem I wrote after a long day of work right after counting the money I earned. Tell me what you think.

The Shared Obsession

Your presence is so cherished

Every moment spent with you leaves me in a euphoric high

You complete me,

Give me all I need

From the hat on my head to the shoes on my feet

I love you for everything you have gave me,

only wanting you more and more

but you demand to me treated like a whore

I Cant keep you to myself

the more I share you, the better you treat me, only to give me more

Stressful Days with out you, insatiable desire for your love

I wonder why

Your love will make people kill for you.

Everyone lives just for a chance to be with you

Do anything they have to do,

Stick up stores just for more

Women sell there bodies and seduce you into there possession

Just to make you feel more like a whore,

You tell me trust in god, knowing the evil it takes to get you

It makes me wonder

Even people who never saw you want you

Work hard for you just to share you

Empty stomachs and bare feet

From South America to Africa to the middle east

Parents will leave their children in pursuit of you

Hungry and with out food

Yet people who have you take you for granted and treat you like the whore you are

Just because you can give them more than all that they want

People need you, and will love to have you just for a minute

And those are the people who need you the most

They can have you too, but they don’t

And still I wonder why