I mentioned in class during a discussion about revision that one of my museworks had turned into something really interesting, and I wanted to address it again because I'm still fascinated by it. I wasn't feeling particularly inspired by the assignment (writing poetry to music is hard for me, because it messes up my rhythm) so what came out was mostly crap. At least a month later, I was revising it by taking out only the lines that were original and using them to make a new poem, and I was astounded by the results. It brought into focus something that was going on in my life at the time that I had almost forgotten about, and provided new connections and insights.
Here's the final draft:
Losing Teeth
In the naked bulb light, your protective shoulder doesn't hide
your reflection's study of its teeth,
apprehensive, the close-clinging film
a death sentence and
whimsically, your flowered hair like seaweed
falling over my upturned face, & your voice
dark like Jamaica and plastic
like you practice
& my mouth is too stuffed to say
what I want, so instead I offer a smile
and the fishing hook in my lip and a wish
that you hadn't asked me to your doll,
in petticoats & beestung lips, to be kept
in the living room, in the dentist's chair
I feel like i am the opposite. I began writing poetry with music and writing without music was, at first, a bit uncomfortable. Once I got used to it I enjoyed the beauty of the art of poetry.
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