One thing I've noticed about my writing this semester is that almost all of my poems have the same common theme. I always write about children, or childhood and growing up, or growing in general and I write about not being alone or left behind. Being alone or even abandoned is something that has actually been on my mind quite frequently this semester. And growing up has always been a big fear of mine.
One thing that I seem to do a lot is look back on my childhood and the innocence that my life contained. It's kind of funny, but I always think about the wierest moments in my childhood and youth, and the funny moments because they make me feel happy. They literally make me laugh out loud sometimes. Sometimes I think about these moments when I'm writing, but I don't know how to put them on paper, or how to make my reader feel the joy that I feel. Especially because I think that my idea of "funny" often times isn't what others will find funny, but instead immature and dumb.
As well as writing about my childhood, or thinking about it while writing, I've come to realize now more than ever that I have an extreme fear of not only growing up, but being along and on my own. Whether it be me leaving my family forschool, family moving away to start their own families or the end of a relationship with a significant other, I feel more on my own now than ever, and it scares the CRAP out of me. I find that I often write about feeling or being abandoned, which is not something that I can really say I have experienced, but I just have this feeling that one day, someone or something will abandon me and leave me on my own, and I don't know what to do about it.
Hey Macy,
ReplyDeleteI kind of get what you're talking about. I've had my share of being terrified of the losing the present, going forward, and not getting to hang on to everything you've been a part of. The best advice I can give you is to keep in mind that you will always have yourself. No matter what happens, you will always be you, and you will always be situated in the same body. Somehow to me that is comforting. Home is where your heart is, and that's located right inside your ribcage.
Keep writing about it... and thanks for sharing. That's really brave of you.
Macy I give you a lot of credit for sharing this as well. I think it's interesting that without even knowing it our writing seems to find a common theme and can tell us a lot about ourselves. I also have gone over my writing and have found that I seem to talk a lot about searching for something more in life and wanting to leave the place I am at. I think this tells me that I am unsatisfied with a lot of things and I would like to change that. I can relate to you and that I too am a little afraid of growing up. It's scary not knowing what will happen and being worried that you are going to miss out on something. I don't have a set plan for myself and that is a very discomforting feeling. So, know that you're not alone on this and I believe that continuing to write will help you to get these feelings out. keep it up :)
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